if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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