Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yo dont text me then not text me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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