i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
