We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
