i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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