if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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