I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There r osticjed everywhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
