8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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