I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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