I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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