Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
