Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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