Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Enjoy the penises
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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