Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
