Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
