I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
