i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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