awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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