So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
