just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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