the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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