its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
