I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
