Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize