After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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