She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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