my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My nipple is on Facebook.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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