Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize