hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
