Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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