that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
