Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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