wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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