i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
