Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
