After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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