Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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