Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
