You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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