saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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