Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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