I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
