just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
