dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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