I puked a lego.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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