She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
