u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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