glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
