I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
