That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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