cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
