sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize