Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
