Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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