I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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