doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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