Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
