you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
