I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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