It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
