so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize