Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
