I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
